The Angel of Change
One of the most unusual, but definitely the most intriguing films in this year's “Forum” program at 69. Berlinale, was the film with title “Mother, I Am Suffocating. This Is My Last Film About You” by Lemohang Jeremiah Mosese. From the very beginning to the end, this documentary about the small African country, Lesotho, is such a personal confession that can’t leave anyone indifferent, because in this lament you can feel such pain, such fury, such frustration, such disappointment, but and such love , such a connection with his country, with all expectations, accusations, demands or cancellations.
Already the black and white image and the look of the woman who suffers while carrying the cross on her shoulder, as Jesus when he walked in the path of her crucifixion, speaks for herself. The cross and crucifixion that symbolize the suffering of our sins, a symbol of suffering for everything that could be different, for all that which cause pain, for everything that suffocate while we try to understand, to comprehend, to go out. The woman with cross passes amongst the empty areas, passes through the crowded streets, dirty, full of dust, passes through a crowd of people who shout, but she continues her lament for her country, for her life, for her mother.
In her speech such suffering is felt, such pain, such an intimate confession that, in fact, is never black and white, of course not thinking here in the picture. But the emotion, of that intimate will, which is incredible just so it is as torn from the heart, with equal passion, and equally condemnation, with equal love, and disappointment, with equal excitement, as well as indifference. But he does not condemn and does not say that one is black, the other is white, no, he talks about his mixed emotions, his childhood, his mother and her desire for individuality, his mother and the stories he grew up, and who were different. He still seeks this individuality in her eyes, searches for spaces and longing, but today he cannot find them, today he does not have that connection. The suffocating is more and more so this is the last movie about her ...
Amazing is the way Lemohan accomplishes this, while with the camera follows the woman's path with the cross, her pain, her patience, her need to see, to forgive, to do it for the last time, because “I saw in you what saw the others. You deserve your war. " Or her talk about her childhood, a childhood that was able to bring joy, diversity, to bring poetry, picture, music, and finally be angry as she betrayed and be unfaithful. No, there are everything in that lament, there is a belief, and a denial, there is optimism and pessimism, there is an outrage, but there is reconciliation. While the woman passes through the cross, he makes and a visual lament at one time, on one country, on one nation, on all the characteristics that he carries within himself, about everything that his country represents, about all that her gave, but and all that she lost.
In the whole unreal picture constantly appears a angel, with a beautiful face, a man with a face of a woman, a travester that perhaps best captures the symbolism, the need for transformation, for freedom, for optimism, for a different view, for the escape from reality, to a completely different story. The film lasts 70 minutes, but you do not lose concentration at any moment, nor do you have the feeling that something in this confession is repeated, although it is true, but it is the true confession of change, the emotions then and now, for a country with some history and with lost ground, for one man, for a woman who will take it all on his back, but not to get over with, but to speak. Talk about migration, talk about weight, one’s own expectations and disappointments, but also to face that the changes come, although everything depends on what you really expect.
Is it important through whose eyes you see, whether is important who is a culprit, is it important that someone cheated you, if you did not cheat yourself. How important it is to clean up with sins, one's own or somebody else, to go further, or they will always be part of us, until they don’t suffocate us. That's why this confession is so important. Because she is sincere and intimate, because she believes in the power of art, because in the end she believes in change, because in the end she wants to flee, but still expects something new to come. It can never be the last movie, on the contrary. It's our film, it's somebody's movie about everything that carries in itself and who wants to paint it. In a different cinema, in a different form, with a different emotion, with an unexpected voice, which at the same time condemns, but also admits. You are the one who carries the cross as long as you feel on your shoulder. No one is guilty, individuality is in the eyes and consciousness, not in history, not in politics, not in society. Today you are in another place, in Berlin, in Kreuzberg, with different people, but in yourself you will always have the angel, the angel of testimony and the changes. Because, after all, it's you.
Suncica Unevska
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